I have yet to meet someone who enjoys writing an incident or accident report. It has nothing to do with being a good writer or an accurate reporter.  It’s the fact that the documentation is very tedious. On this matter, Kurt is the ideal person to represent the perspective of any lifeguard. They know the procedure and what to do, but the follow up is where they get stumped.  

Sometimes we say things as a reaction to circumstances and are not aware of how funny it is. I said this “punchline” during an inservice and one of my managers told me to write it down. The comedic moments in life are something that I don’t mind documenting, especially as a cartoon.

Only when a few sheets of paper asking what, when and how come into the equation do I put up a fuss. Perhaps if I imagine that the  paperwork I have to fill out is like telling a story, then it won’t feel like turning in homework.

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​The cartoon above is not exaggerated. Back when lifeguards got certified old school style, if an active drowning victim attacked you, the procedure was that you punched them in the gut to make them back off. Now this of course is not done anymore and I don’t think the American Red Cross plans on reviving this anytime soon. However, it does give older lifeguards an opportunity to scare the new ones who are fresh from training and green on experience.
 
Gerardo, a friend of mine told me a hilarious story of re-certifying years later to become a beach lifeguard. During an in-service training session, he was paired up with his friend for “escapes.” Though it was the 21st century, he went by the original training. His friend replied, “That’s not how you do it anymore!”  Whether he wasn’t updated on the new material, or if it was mischief amongst friends, I may never know.
 
The procedure that is used now is the “Suck, tuck and duck” method which is explained below.

​As you can see, the new method is more efficient but not as entertaining. But of course, someone has to write about it. So remember, if you find yourself at a pool with well seasoned lifeguards, don’t try any tricks. Old lifeguards know all of them!